Being a parent is immensely hard. We’re often faced with insanely difficult life decisions. Sometimes it’s a bit overwhelming for me. I worry incessantly about the impact of my decisions on Parker. This past week was one of those weeks. I was on the road, and I'm facing some rather big decisions about life and career. It's not easy. And, while I’d prefer to bury my head in the sand, I’m not sure I have that option.
Sh*t like this was much simpler before I was a Papa. These types of situations didn’t worry me. Before child, if I was faced with a challenging decision, I’d chase one too many beers with my fears and insecurities. And, I’d go with my gut.
That doesn’t work now. One, I can’t handle the hangovers. Two, Parker’s "dada" won’t let me go with my gut anymore. He’s afraid we’ll end up living in a monastery in some foreign country, or something like that.
As I’ve gone through some of the decision making process this week, the only other thing I could think to do was to seek the counsel of my dear friend, Adele. I kept asking myself, “what would Adele do?”
I turned to her lyrics.
In “Don’t You Remember,” she said, “I often think about where I went wrong.” Me too. I don’t like to make mistakes. I don’t want to do anything that will have a negative impact on Parker’s life.
So, I’m really trying to be thoughtful about my decisions. I'm trying hard to think like Travis. And, for those of you who have been on the receiving end of one of his questioning sessions, you know what I'm talking about. In “Take It All,” Adele reminded me to “slow it down and bring it home” and “adjust.” I am. I’m thinking through every scenario and outcome Adele, I promise. I think she and Travis are in cahoots together.
When these decisions get too hard, I often want to give up. I’m not sure what past lessons to carry with me and which ones to leave in their place. But, I'm going to keep on “chasin pavements, even if it leads nowhere.”
But, I’m plagued with doubts, insecurities and uncertainty.
Lady A told me this week while we were running together . . . well, I was running, she was singing “Someone Like You” to me through my headphones. But, what she said, really made me stop and think, or was it an excuse to just stop running? I’ll never know. But, that’s not the point. She said, “regrets and mistakes, they are memories made.”
Damn. She’s good.
At the end of the day, as long as Parker knows how much I love him, I don’t think I can go wrong. He’s my all (along with Travis and the dogs). Every decision I make centers around him. I want him to have a life full of happiness, wondrous experiences, and immeasurable love. But, of course, Adele (or Del Del as I call her) said it better. She said, “You’re my light, you’re my darkness. You’re the right kind of madness. You’re my hope, you’re my despair. You’re my scope of everything everywhere. The sweetest devotion.”
So, when all else fails, turn to Adele. She’s got the answers.
See you in August Del Del!