There are loads of unexpected twists and turns when you have a toddler. I remember the first time I wiped a massive amount of baby food off of Parker’s face, and instead of wiping my hand with a towel (which would have been the civilized thing to do, but would have resulted in just one more thing to throw in the laundry), I put my three fingers in my mouth and ate the reject baby food. It was the easiest thing to do in the moment. Go ahead, judge me.
I’m starting to become a big fan of these WTF moments. It’s comical to catch myself in the moment and think, “Did I really just do/say that?”
As an example (if your reading this Travis, this is purely hypothetical and has NEVER happened), toddlers get super snotty when they teethe. It’s too much work to get a kleenex every time the nose fountain turns on. Especially when you are both wearing perfectly good (absorbent) clothes. Or, the under side of the couch is a super convenient spot for concealing snot. Again, this is merely a hypothetical way of illustrating my point, and has NEVER happened at our house.
With that being said, this week was a particularly interesting WTF week. These are just some of the things that I can’t believe I said out loud to our son.
“Is that snot or applesauce?” It was applesauce, don’t get all weirded out. Yep, I tasted.
“Please don’t headbutt the window. The wall. The bed. The bookcase. The table. Please don’t headbutt at all.”
“Awwwww, I love your hugs and besos! Ouch, what the... Did you really just headbutt me!?!” Still seeing stars.
“Why are you climbing in to the dryer?”
"Why are you in the dog bed?"
“Please don’t grab the dog’s butt like that.”
“Please don’t sit on the dog.”
“Seriously, the dog is not a fan of you grabbing his weenie.”
"Parker, don't throw your food, the plate, your sippy cup at the dogs."
“OMG, please don’t put that dirty diaper on your head. Drop the diaper Parker. Drop it now. Why are you so strong? Let go of the diaper.”
“Please don’t climb out the window.”
“Is that buckle smashing your junk? The car seat needs to be adjusted. You're growing too fast. Sorry buddy! You'll still be able to have kids. But, no wonder it's uncomfortable."
“Wait, what did you just put in your mouth? Please tell me it was a raisin. Yeah, we’re just going to pretend… What raisin? I didn’t see anything. Carry on. Nothing to see here.”
And the pièce de résistance. “Is that your poop on the ground, or one of the dogs?” The answer. It was not the dogs.
Bonus. As I am typing this post, Travis is giving Parker a bath. And, I hear him say, “Can you do me a favor? Please don’t poo on the floor tonight, ok buddy?”
Ahhhhh, the life with a toddler boy. I have a feeling things are just getting started. And, just as I start to get a little nervous, this happens. He walks over in his PJs and gives me the biggest hug!
"You are the best hugger in the world kiddo. You really are a sweet kid. Un abrazo fuerte baby boy! Night. Night."
Yep, life with a toddler.